Ingrid Wenzel

Hello Berlin Goodbye Hamburg

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Tschüss Hamburg. Hello Berlin.

My most favorite artwork at my Hamburg flat.

 

Yup I’m moving to Berlin. I’m already writing this blog post from the capital. Apartment hunt here is literally a hunt. You’d be more successful with a gun. After 30 viewings, I had five new friendships, a pen friend, 15 fake accounts asking for money, two job offers – but not a new flat. I thought, before finding a home I would have a new stand-up act. Several tenants wrote me that they have given their flat already to someone else but my application was the funniest:

 

 

Before I have a new flat, I have a whole new comedy act.

 

But now I found an apartment. It was pure luck, zero guns. I haven’t fully moved yet. But I have relocated some of my stuff already, first of all my shoes. Due to that, even my next door neighbor in Hamburg has felt my recent absence. Back when I moved in, I might have even introduced myself with “I’m the one with all that trash by the door”. Now she sent me a message asking “it’s so tidy in front of you door, did you leave me already?”

 

 

If you’ve followed my old, infamous blog, you know I’m not the queen of interior design. The only furnishing concept I have is “art instead of furniture”. And “I don’t own things”. Will it be different with the new apartment? Updates will follow soon (or occasionally on my snapchat @ingridwenz). Btw, everything that is too ugly for Instagram goes on my snapchat. This was yesterday’s update, showing the most recent condition of my new domicile:

 

Too ugly for Instagram? Put it on snapchat!

 

Do-it-yourself-ingrid

 

 

The only annoying thing right now is commuting between Hamburg and Berlin. Some people say “the best part about Berlin is the ICE to Hamburg”. It’s less than two hours – but 60 Euro one way. I downloaded the flixbus app the day my BahnCard expired. Flixbus is 10-15 Eur and takes three to four hours. It was social relegation at the touch of a button. I did bring the Bahn Magazine from my last ICE ride to read on my first Flixbus ride, looking like a snob, that once had money. Hitchhiking will never be an option, though this might be one of my most favorite cartoons of the last months:

 

 

Unrelated to apartments but related to Berlin: I’m playing at a show in Berlin this Saturday called “Comedy auf Deuglish”.

Bis Bald,

Ingrid!

A trip to the Gym

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„I was at the gym today“, I told my friend proudly. He replied „did you have a gig there?“.
Wow. Was it that out-of-the-way of me to be at a gym? Guess so. I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in years. And that one time doesn’t count, when I was just handing out flyers for my close-by comedy show. (No one came).

A few weeks ago, I ran to an open mic to get a spot. That’s when it hit me. When the only work out I get is sprinting to an open mic, there’s clearly something wrong with my fitness. And career, because I didn’t even get the spot.

I used to be athletic, though. I mean, I was on a Bundesliga team. (Granted, it was Rugby. There are so few players, when you start, you’re automatically Bundesliga. In Germany, Rugby has the same development index as Comedy. Okay, who am I kidding, I never actually played a Bundesliga match, but I saw one, from the bench, park bench). But Rugby wasn’t my only exotic sport, I also played Headis regularly. So regular, I even modeled for it (was accidentally at practice when a curious photo team showed up):

That one time I was athletic and a camera team showed up.

 

 

So, I need to work out again. But I would never sign up for a gym deliberately. I hate gyms. Hanging onto some work out device while I think everyone stares at me because I probably use it wrong? Is there an anxiety-gym? At the entry of any gym’s atmosphere, my motivation burns up in a split second. And it’s too cold to be running outside. And no group sport, since my ankle is broken from when I once tried high heels. And no yoga, because I always fall asleep. Yes, I have many excuses. I have more, need one? So what now?

 

Am I doing this right? Why is everyone looking? Help. (c) Ingrid Wenzel

 

So one day, on my way to getting my daily dose of cake, I saw a little raffle next to a bakery. I could win something. How exciting! Oh, just a personal training. You almost got me!
I participated in this raffle. It was my way of effort to work out: Now it was in their hands. Leave fitness up to fate. I did draw a big smiley on my raffle card, awkwardly waving it into the personal trainers’ faces. Heyyy pick me right. I really like winning.

Guess what. I did win. Or they did pick me, having seen my untrained body. (They probably marked my card “Winner! She needs it the most!!!”). Or they let everyone win, cuz that’s marketing right? Anyway.

Sooo, I went to my first class on Monday morning. I was out of shape and nervous. What should I wear? How close will I be standing next to the personal trainer? I took a shower before my training, applied body lotion, did my nails, even flossed. The last time I did all that, I got myself a new boyfriend.

My prize wasn’t a normal, awful gym. It was a gym where you get black, skin tight suits and electric shots (EMS)! What?! What have I gotten myself into? But the trainer calmed me down by saying “you would be the first person to pass out this week”. The first one this week? It was just Monday morning! He hooked my functional sausage-skin to the power. Bzzzzz. 
Here’s what it looked like. Also, I think this is the best self-portrait I’ve ever drawn:

EMS: Elektromyostimulationstraining or Egon M. Schiele? (c) Ingrid Wenzel

This electric shock work out lasts only 20 minutes. I can do that. It tickled, I didn’t go out of my way. Wasn’t even sweating. (I only took a shower afterwards because the suit smells of other people’s sweat.) I even enjoyed it (not the sweat). I must have looked like someone, who chills while being electrocuted. Back at home, I felt accomplished and had more cake.

The backlash awaited me the next day: a surprise muscle ache in places, I didn’t even know I had muscles. I will do it again. Bring it on! Turns out, EMS is not only super efficient, it’s also expensive. Looking at my fellow gym partners, I’m never sure if they’re rich or lazy. Good small talk topic for my next workout. Make Ingrid’s body great again.

 

 

 

Favorite Words (German)

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Some people say “jokes are just words”. I don’t think so. Words are powerful. It’s all we have. They can lift us up, make us laugh, and destroy. Writing stand-up, and not my half finished language degree, made me appreciate words. Is this word necessary for the joke? Is there a funnier sounding one? Does this word evoke negative emotions? What does it really mean?

I often stumble upon words I find enthralling. Like enthralling. Or curmudgeon. Or flabbergasted. I write them on a special list. My Ingrid encyclopedia of odd words. And I’m adding to it almost every day. Whenever I have free time I skim through it. And when I have more time, I illustrate them.

Even though I write in English most of my favorite words are in German. English I use, but German I own. My funny bone speaks English, but my heart German. And I’m in love with compounds with odd literal meanings. Like the German word for a tender stroke: Streicheleinheit. It literally means “caress unit”. Because stroking in Germany has to be regulated!

So now here are some doodles of my Lieblingswörter, Lieblingsworte, Favorite Words:

 

Streicheleinheit – “caress unit” – because stroking in Germany has to be regulated!

 

I overheard someone say FeedbackboDen (feedback floor) instead of Feedbackbogen (feedback sheet) and loved it.

 

Geistige Umnachtung, mental derangement, literally when the night mentally wraps around you. So sad yet beautiful.

 

Haltung statt Pose (posture/attitude instead of pose). I read it in some article about Diane von Fürstenberg. More posture, less pose please!

 

A growling and whining Onomatopoeia balloon.

 

This illustration was someone’s Freudian slip. Leibhaftig (incarnate, lit. Leib =body, whereas Laib = bread) and liebheftig (lieb ~ love, heftig ~ fiercely) Kinda? Gosh, hope no scholars read my blog. Umm but seriously, it’s 12.30 am, and I never finished my language degree so I think my translation is fine as it is.

 

Sehnsuchtsort, place of yearning.

 

~ Summerly & Summer “Hole”. And me wearing a Kimono.

 

Verschlimmbesserung: ImBadProvement. A supposed improvement that makes everything worse. Like the painting.

 

I personally always confused Wehmut (feeling nostalgic) with Wermut (vermouth). Clearly, the one could lead to the other. Wermutstropfen is used to describe a tiny drop of bitterness. And I often thought WeHmutstropfen were tiny drops of woefulness.

 

Whitewashing and Katzenwäsche (cat laundry, meaning having as little personal hygiene as possible. Or use a cat for washing).

 

Zaungast: an unwanted visitor / onlooker, literally a “fence guest”. Not to be confused with Soundgast, a word I made up. What a great dj alias!

 

Stand-up for the Ladies and Men

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There were several nice things going on these past days. On Saturday, I spontaneously performed at a comedy show in Hamburg. Also that day, my friend from Detroit, currently living in London, visited me. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to take her to a German comedy show. Turns out, it was hilarious and she can now tell the world: Germany is catching up in comedy!
Yesterday, I hosted my beloved comedyshow called “Stand-up for the Ladies”. And guess what. You can book more than one woman, if you want to! We had a lovely show with three female and three male comedians.
What would be a blog post without photos? And a show without picture proof that there was a show? Thanks to photographer Sergey Sanin, me and the other comedians got these amazing photos. Check out more of Sergey’s work on www.sergeysanin.de and more of the show’s photos here.

Lastly, after a gig, people that don’t have anything to do with comedy want to give me advice. Well, I myself don’t feel in position to give comedy advice to anyone, either. Better stop reading right now. Though today, I was asked for advice in front of a group of people that want to do stand-up comedy. (Yeah, I accidentally mistook the comedy workshop with the improv workshop but then they started asking me these questions and I kinda liked it). Because it made me think. And I came up with some answers that feel right. At least to me. Maybe to you, too? Did I miss anything? Let me know. Here we go, I made a list. That’s what bloggers do:

– Don’t listen to anyone’s advice unless you want to become that person. Follow advice of people who you appreciate.
– Don’t show a bad attitude. Care for the audience.
– Be present, be in the moment, have fun.
– Fuck up as much as you can. Learn from it.
– What do you really think is funny and why?
– Write everything down that interests you.
– Know yourself. Be yourself. What makes you unique? Could your set be told by any other person?
– Before doing an edgy topic, maybe start talking about yourself first.
– Every bit you put into comedy pays off. Unless you only post selfies.
– You don’t have to know all comedians. Don’t copy anyone. But kinda have an idea of what’s already out there. How can you contribute to the art?
– Identify what you want: Attention? Money? Fame? Or become a good comedian?
– Just do it and see where it takes you.
– Yeah, and of course basics like don’t steal jokes, be kind, speak clearly, learn to hold the mic.

 

Now, showtime:

Martin Niemeyer, Alexandra Schiller, Christin Jugsch, le Wenzel, Majbritt Bartelsen, Axel Heckmann and Headliner Stefan Danziger. (c) Sergey Sanin
100 % büttenredenfrei (c) Sergey Sanin
Half Ingo half Inge (c) Sergey Sanin
Danke to (c) Sergey Sanin and all artists!

 

 

Next show: March 22nd!

Google search words

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Guys, I’m not Luke Mockridge’s Girlfriend!

The google search term, that (mis)directs most visitors to my page is: „Luke Mockridge Freundin“. (Luke is a German comedian and Freundin is German for girlfriend.) Since when did my website become just the girlfriend of someone else? Isn’t it so much more than just Luke’s girlfriend? His father maybe? (This is the first and only Star Wars reference on my website ok). So now, whenever my website gets extraordinary traffic, I get immediately suspicious. I mean I’m awesome but not that awesome that thousands of people a day check out my open mic dates. Damn right: Whenever visits go up, I found out it’s either Chinese hackers or Luke’s fans. (Don’t think they overlap).

According to google, there are four Ingrid Wenzels in Germany. One has a hardware store, one is a doctor and one runs a gay club in Bochum. I’m the comedian, just making sure okay. I get it why some look for a different Ingrid and accidentally find me. Just recently, a man emailed me and asked me if I can rent out the gay club to him. But also every day, people search something completely differently – not even remotely Ingrid-related – and still get directed to my website. And thanks to google analytics, I know now what these people were originally looking for.

 

Screenshot (Freundin = girlfriend).

 

 

This picture is brought to you by my awesome photo editing skills

 

 

How did it happened that my number one search term is “Luke Mockridge Freundin”? And why do people search/wish/are afraid that I’m Luke’s girlfriend? The answer is pretty dull. (And if you belong to the elite, that has read my old infamous blog, before it got hacked, you can skip this paragraph.)

Google’s algorithm simply mismatched my usage of the word “Freundin” in one of my old blog post with the picture of me and Luke from a comedyshow in another posting. So whenever you try to find out who his girlfriend is and click on “google picture search” – you’ll see that pic of me. To make matters even worse, it’s a pic where we hold hands – just for fun. It’s not what it looks like. I deleted my website months ago for safety reasons (damn hackers). But that rumor is still out there. The internet doesn’t forget. Not even rumors it created itself. So here’s the Corpus Delicti:

 

This is not what it looks likes (c) Nightwash

 

Besides that, these many searches may have changed the algorithm and thus the suggestions, that pop up after my name, when searching for me. You know, it’s like when you type into google “why are all Russians…”, “all men want…” and you’re shocked by what google presents you after those dots. Actually, nowadays you can sue google, if you’re not happy with whatever insults pops up after your name. So did Germany’s former First Lady, because google suggested “prostitute” for her name. One of my girlfriends googled my name recently and was suggested „Ingrid Wenzel girlfriend“. She was like „do they mean me?“. Or are people trying to figure out if I am a lesbian? I’m totally cool with it. As long as they stop googling “Ingrid Wenzel Weight” and “Ingrid Wenzel Age”. Like I’m sort of a quartet card game. “The Comedians edition”. Ah, my Louis CK card beats the Ingrid Wenzel card, in weight. But there are more absurd search words! May I now present to you marvelous search terms, that mislead people to my homepage:

 

Who’s my girlfriend?

 

 

Best of Search Words:

Even though I finally found an explanation for this “girlfriend situation”, I often can’t explain other search words. How big of a disappointment is my website to those, who got here searching „getting tattooedod today“ and „Männerstrip im Dorfkrug“. Sorry I can’t provide that (yet).

Other search terms are more personal, e.g. „wedding first night with Inge“.
I mean, I’m also dying to find out how my first wedding night will be. Maybe I should google it, too. Or maybe they were just searching for my favorite Baseball player Brandon Inge. And his wedding night. Which is weird, too. Unless there was some crazy Baseball action involved. Then I wanna know as well.

Detroit Tigers Wedding Gown

 

 

There are some more search words, which lead to me, that I’m actually happy about.  Someone googled „room heater for comedy events“ and somehow got to me. Thanks I guess? Where I perform the room blows up. Also, do “room heater for comedy events” not work in other facilities?

Others are random like “bean art project”, “German party snack” and “DJ Ingeborg” (Granted: Sometimes, when I think my name „DJ Ingrid“ is too cool, I name myself „DJ Ingeborg“ to not intimidate people). One other recurrent search word theme is “trash”. Totally fine with that. I love trash. How else would I craft my collages and low budget birthday presents.

 

room heating devices

 

Bean Art Project (c) Takao Sakai / Wenzel

 

My biggest Achievement in life: When you google “German party snack”, this photography of mine comes up on page four. (c) Wenzel

 

 

 

trash related search words: “castrop-rauxel sperrmüll onlinedienst”, “müllmann mottoparty reeperbahn falsch”, “männer von stadtreinigung”, “suchbild frau Müll”, “trashmen fetish”

 

 

I now installed new SEO programs. Because Ingrid means big business. No, geez, I just hope to provide you with more silly search words soon! Keep googling!

Love,

Dj Ingeborg, SEO

 

 

Comedy Hosting

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I love hosting comedyshows. And I love hosting comedians.
My guest couch has seen more comics than civilians. And lovers.
If my comedy career won’t take me around the globe, I might as well open a hotel and let the comedy world come here. Last Wednesday, I hosted my Show Stand-up for the Ladies with three comics from out of town.
We had 7 female stand-up comedians in one show, is that German record? And also three amazing male comedians. From a newcomer’s second performance ever to professionals, who have been doing Comedy for decades – Thanks everyone for coming! Next episode is February 22nd. And thanks to Sergey Sanin, we got some great shots from the show (for more pics, click on the link):

 

From left to right: Ingrid Wenzel, Thomas Schwieger, Sarah Schmerse, Jacqueline Feldmann, Don Clarke, Lena Liebkind & Birte Rehberg (c) Sergey Sanin

 

 

Ingrid Wenzel, Regina Pichler, Sarah Schmerse, Lena Liebkind // Birte Rehberg, Christin Jugsch, Jacqueline Feldmann, Feli rockt // Axel Schossen, Don Clarke, Thomas Schwieger (c) Sergey Sanin

 

 

Love these gals! (c) Sergey Sanin