Drawing on ipad with apple pencil and procreate

I don’t like digital art. I like my art dirty and raw. The smell of paint makes me high. The thick layers of a Van Gogh painting make me hungry for mud pie. Painting is physical. Imagine the expressionists painted on computers, they’d all have chronic back pain. Painting digitally is lacking coincidence. Coincidence paints the best pictures. Cry on paper and you can paint a mascara watercolor. Cry on your ipad and you cry more because it breaks because it’s not waterproof.

I sound like a curmudgeonette who hates anything digital. Fine, but with all things that I don’t like I try them out at least once. The ipad now joins me trying rotten Swedish fish and sport. So for this drawing experiment, I used an ipad with an apple pen and the app “procreate”. This is how it was for me:

The best part about drawing on an ipad: it’s fun.

You can eat while doing it and not worry about accidentally swallowing paint. Also, people are often afraid to draw or write the first word on a white paper. Perfectionism kicks in and you end up not drawing anything leaving the paper blank. Doing that digitally helps, because it’s playful, you can erase quickly and no pile of tossed paper reminds you of your failure.

The worst part about drawing with an ipad: you have to buy an ipad.

The ipad is just too expensive for a toy. The app “procreate” is cool but definitely has too many brushes to choose from. It’s like looking into a make up artist’s work place and getting all insecure because I only own a chapstick. To get used to the mechanics I did some free hand drawings and then just drew over photos of mine. Which felt lazy but it’s a good exercise. Drawing on my ipad feels generally like cheating. Before that, I had to mix colors (and often messed up) and now I just klick on lavender-blue. I have to wash my hands afterwards, not because I’m dirty but to wash off the guilt of not really having done anything real. My plan now is to really get to know the app and see how I can use it for comedy too.

So here are some studies I’ve done while watching bumping mics on netflix, how do you like them?

even though i like the overall picture, my face still looks too stiff ..and, well, digitally drawn from a photo.
i like this one cuz it’s playful and simple.
me imagining my snappy face on a big canvas
“me and my cacti” – this is drawn after one of my favorite polaroids
This is how I draw all day. I’m one brush stroke away from a pinched nerve.
practice makes perfect so i draw me as often as possible
i’m a baseball clown who are you?

Fruit Flies were my Muse at Sommerakademie für Komische Kunst

It all started with a fruit fly infestation in my apartment this summer. Mind you, I’m untidy but not filthy. Fruit flies magically give birth to themselves once they smell food. And I didn’t immediately take out the melon rind and apparently became the queen of my own fruit fly colony. 

The timing was especially unlucky because I was to leave to Lake Tahoe the very next day. I thought I had extinguished all larvae. Two weeks later I came back to a fly covered apartment as if I had forgotten a dead body. 

Still Life with Fruit Flies
Still Life with Fruit Flies (feat. Matisse)

 

It was useful that I learned how to golf in Lake Tahoe because these new hitting skills came in handy. In a three hour kill streak I murdered all flies. And for those I couldn’t reach on the ceiling I set up vinegar death traps. And here’s a tip for you, if you ever have a fly plague yourself:

Do not put the vinegar traps next to open windows. In fact close all windows. Because all the flies outside will be attracted to your little vinegar cocktail party. 

Also, don’t leave food or trash around ever. In my fridge, I now have a unit for food, one for drinks and one for waste.

And lastly, do not leave empty bottles around. My fly tribe did not survive, as I had thought, on that one melon juice stain. Judged by an enormous fly graveyard next to the empty bottles, they had lived off molecular beer particles. Until all the alcohol was gone and many addicts dropped dead. 

 

Self Portrait with Fruit Flies (feat. Matisse)

 

I’m happy I had a fruit fly infestation. 

The day after my massacre I went to Kassel to attend the Sommerakademie für Komische Kunst. For one week, twenty cartoonists from Germany, Austria and Switzerland met, drew cartoons and drank beer under the guidance of German comic legend Gerhard Seyfried and the Caricatura Gallery. And my fruit flies functioned as my muse for ten artworks, cartoons and even paintings. I included some of them in this post. All of our works will now be shown live at Stadtmuseum Kassel opening September 14th.

 

Interieur with Fruit Flies (feat. Matisse)

 

 

And here, my dear blog readers, a gallery with photos both from the Summer School and Lake Tahoe (all Sommerakademie photos (c) Caricatura Kassel):

Some thoughts on pants and dresses

I once saw a wardrobe at a museum that could have been mine.  It had a sign „coats, please no pants“. (Their emergency exit plan’s sign was „this is no artwork“ and their toilet paper labeled „for free“. So yes, a great museum right up my alley).

Personally, I don’t wear pants. I hate them. I only wear dresses. A flowing fabric, basically a fancy blanket, that I wrap around my slack body. Wear a dress and you’re good to go! Unless you’re actually wearing a blanket, dresses will always make you look fashionable. People mistake my laziness for style. With pants, you have to match a top and a bottom. Really, who has time for that? Dresses are cold? Always have tights in your purse, like a good robber.

I’m short and therefore I only wear dresses that go just above my knees. Anything substantially longer makes me look like a character from The Handmaid’s Tale.
I once visited my friend Cindy in Uganda and didn’t check the dress code before (a tourist’s Russian Roulette). In Uganda, it’s perfectly okay to go topless. But it is not okay to show your knees. Yeah! Your filthy, revealing, overly sexual knees, you dirty thing you! Since I didn’t do my research, I got there with my short dresses. I had nothing appropriate to wear. I was a disgrace to her. And my tiny friend’s pants didn’t fit me. Ugh, see, pants again! I ended up wearing her curtains. I hid behind one, rolled myself in it and in a elegant pirouette I ripped it off the wall and on my body. Good to go! Still better than pants!

Pants suck because they have to fit well. If too long, you drag them through the mud. Or cuff them and tell people „they’re supposed to be like that“. (But deep down you know you look ridiculous. And promise yourself next time you don’t give up shopping jeans that fast).
A knee long dress is too long? Fine, they may cover my filthy knees then. A dress too big? Fine, I’ll use a belt and constrict myself until I look like a hot balloon dog. A dress to tight? I throw it in the closet and cry “I will loose weight at some point for sure“.

So, here, I have some shopping advice for you: Before getting ill fitted clothes, humble yourself and go to a mean but honest shop assistant. Advice and insult often live on the same street. A saleslady once told me „nah, don’t get that black dress. It emphasize your dark circles and wrinkles.“ Um, excuuuuse me? And also, get me all the white dresses you have. (I did almost punch her in the face though for saying „white is en vogue in Pari“.)

Here are some more jeans trends that I first posted on my instagram stories. They’re all inspired by my last unsuccessful shopping trip:

 

Kiten kann tödlich sein – Book Release

„Kiten kann tödlich sein – Machen Sie doch bitte Ihre eigenen Fehler“

So heißt das neue Buch von meinem Comedykollegen Thomas Schwieger. Und ich hab’s illustriert. Obwohl ich nie Kiten war, sondern nur mal fast vor Sylt ertrunken wär.

Worum geht’s in der Neuerscheinung? Hier der Klappentext:

Als Kind, aufgewachsen in der DDR, hatte Thomas nur einen Traum: einmal im Baumhaus übernachten.
 Mit 34 Jahren ist es soweit. Sein Schulfreund Chris hat ein Baumhauswochenende an der Ostsee entdeckt, allerdings mit einer Bedingung: Thomas muss am Kitesurf-Kurs teilnehmen.
Schnell stellt Thomas fest, Kitesurfen ist wie das Leben: du brauchst Geld, Talent und Rückenwind. Nichts davon hat er.
Doch todesmutig stellt er sich aufs Brett, denn eines ist ihm klar: der Weg in seine persönliche Freiheit gelingt dieses Mal nur über den Kampf und Sieg über die Naturgewalten, den Drachen und die verdammten Schnüre.
Thomas Schwieger ist heute frei, trägt auch privat Neopren und arbeitet erfolgreich als Stand-Up Comedian, Moderator und Autor in Hamburg.

“Kiten kann tödlich sein” steht Ende April in den Läden. Hier geht’s zum Vorverkaufslink.

Am 26.4. feiern Thomas und ich zusammen in Hamburg die Veröffentlichungsfeier. Nicht alleine, ihr könnt auch kommen: Hier geht’s zur Einladung. Es gibt Getränke. Thomas wird zum Vorleseonkel. Ich erzähle davon, wie man ein Buch illustriert, trotz zeitgleicher Deadline mit dem Autor und panischer Angst vor Wasser. Und alle dürfen mal Thomas’ Neopren anprobieren (size zero).

Hier ein Kiteaufbau Tutorial von mir und das Buchcover, was hoffentlich bald eure Bücherregale zieren wird:

 

Thomas Schwieger - Kiten kann tödlich sein
Thomas Schwieger – Kiten kann tödlich sein